I sit at home yet another day being absent from school because my immune system is down due to one of the many medications I’m on for one of the many symptoms I have and a common cold seems to be like the end of the world to me.
I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis in December of 2016. It’s a very recent diagnosis but still, I have come to terms with it quite quickly. I believe that’s because I’ve been having symptoms of it since 2012, being branded with a chronic illness isn’t really that bad when you’ve spent the whole of your high school life dealing with it just without the name.
I don’t intend on going on about what Ulcerative Colitis is I could be here for years and also google is just around the corner for that but it is an invisible disability and no amount of medications that I will try or procedures will be able to change that I will have it for the rest of my life. I understood as soon as I was told that it would be hard. Knowing that you’ll have something for life and can’t do anything to prevent it is always daunting but I understand that by taking one day at a time, baby steps as I see them, then it isn’t as bad as you can imagine.
But my life really isn’t that bad.
I have days where I don’t want to get out of bed because thinking about what pain I’m going to be in during the day is enough to put me off.
I have times where I go into moods because the side effects of one of be many medications I’m taking causes much more damage than good.
I have moments where I just wonder what I have done to deserve all of this, why I had to be the one to have this illness and why I have to be the only one to try and fight it. I try to make those moments as minimal as possible.
People have it worse. I hate it when people say it to me because it just seems like people hold no sympathy in their hearts but it is something that gets me through this tough spots.
I am able to wake up and know that I am surrounded by people I love, that I have a good home, a good family, good friends and that is enough to enable me to want to carry on each day. I am not the first person to have this, I am not the last. I don’t have it the worst and I don’t have it the best but I have learnt enough from it to know that I am stronger than an illness that does not define me.
This post isn’t about pity, it’s an explanation even though one is not necessary I would like to say it anyway. It’s the reason why I miss so much school. It’s the reason why I spend time planning things so far ahead. It’s the reason why I am extremely emotional most of the time (thanks steroids). It’s the reason why I have lows in my self confidence and sometimes self worth. It’s the reason why I have become a stronger person and I’m able to understand that I am the only person who can make a difference to my own life. I won’t let Ulcerative Colitis defeat me.